Figuring this out

hmm…. been a minute since I posted here. I definitely want to get back into writing on this blog. Will have to spend more time on it later. Very busy in life now. At a hotel until Monday. Need to find a place for my family to live. Moved to Minneapolis and need to settle here. My husband started work today. Many blessings received. Just need blessed with a place to live.

Can’t even be me

I have been helped by so many people in my life. I am thankful and my faith stresses on service to others among many other things.

So much has happened since I last wrote here. Marriage is supposed to be compromise and it’s hard because you lose a little bit of you every time you do. You gain…..? What exactly is it you gain when you can’t do what you want? Oh, it builds character. How cliche.

So honoring what my husband wants means not giving service to others because really he doesn’t like the people.

Til next time, *l0v3y

November 14, 2013 Thursday

It was a good morning biking to school today. Afterwards, went to a food bank and got a box of food. I had 2 bungee cords with me and after several attempts by others, they got a smaller box and got it hooked on my bike. I went down to Walgreens. Only my scripts were ready. Beths will be tomorrow and the rest on the 16th.

I made it home and relaxed a bit before my counselor had come out and discussed the answers on my sheets about why I get angry, signs I’m angry, what I do when I’m angry, etc. What really upsets me the most is lying & betraying. There are other things too but it’s the betrayal I feel inside. Once I’m betrayed it’s like forget you! I am not sure how to go on from there. And since my husband and I are supposed to be one, how can he just talk to them like nothing happened? How can he even talk to them about my car problems and say that they will take a look at it and what not? Along with getting a ride from them to um, let see, go to the Amtrak station to supposedly visit his mother which he didn’t do. He went up north to Pennsylvania. To Pennsylvania. I understand why he had a magical date of August 16, but why is he still wanting to go in October? Here I was thinking everything was fine and bam! I didn’t even see it coming. It’s like I’m just in purgator waiting. Not knowing his intentions. How could he betray me like this? I don’t have the slightest clue on how to get over it.
If he stays, well it helps financially, it helps with the whole family makeup of a “dad” in the picture, it’s my 4th marriage and last. If he goes, well hope the door don’t hit him in the ass. He’s not a bad guy. But honestly I don’t know how to move past this and feel like I’m just going through the motions until he leaves or I get over it.

Before August 16, I had marriage classes lined up, my drs lined up, support group I had found, etc. All these resources waiting to be utilized but an event in July led to mayhem.

Anywho, the counselor wants me to figure out what the reason is of why I stay. Not surface reasons either.

Got my kids from school and the counselor came back for my kids. That went ok. She had Mike realize his actions cause consequences to others. After she left, he was still grounded. He was reading more tonight. I think this book he is reading may very well be the first book of a decent amount of chapters he’s ever read by himself.

Hope in a way this grounding works so he will read for future discipline.

Beth struggled some with her math homework. It is multiplying double digits. She had half right using a calculator. I erased the other half and made her do it without a calculator. Math is definately not her forte.

Watched some LOTR tonight ๐Ÿ™‚

Til next time, *l0v3y

November 5, 2013 Tuesday

Another day without blue beauty (my car) and it is starting to seem the norm. Should I just cancel car insurance? Should I just invest in a bike? Get 2 helmets for my kids and lights on our bikes? I tried to start her again today. Fail. Whatever it is, I’m sooo over the buses.

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Not to say I don’t like them. Some of the drivers are very nice. Some don’t care. Timing is not my friend when they are only running once an hour. We have 3 stops that are by our house. 0.5, 0.6, 0.7 miles away. The closer they are, the earlier we rise.

This morning I actually stopped at circle k and got my kids each a bag of donuts. I told them 6 each. Beth ate 3 from her back and Mike ate 4. I just as well have it be 4 each and a glass of milk in the morning.

I don’t like catering to their wants with food. I would rather them eat what we have.ย  So many can goods on the shelf and my husband wants to go shopping. I know we need the staples but I say we start using the can goods or else it’s waste. Money is so tight so why are we going to waste? If my kids bellies want to starve, it’s on them. It’s not like they are getting fed asparagus every night like when I was a kid (which btw, I love now).ย  My dad had a garden with an abundance of that and tomatoes. I didn’t inherit his green thumb though. I’m really not an outdoors type.

We have mainly got ready for the night. Meds have been taken. My daughter is on the computer typing, my son in our room on the ps3. They both had great days in school today. So we will probably read another chapter in the book of Mormon and give them each a piece of Halloween candy that was half off.

Til next time, *l0v3y

November 4, 2013 (Monday)

Rode the 102 to the 443. It stops at the WPV for the transfer. My daughter watched at the Winter Park tech school as they put up the flag, like this was one of the amazing events of the day.

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Mike & Beth are off to school and I decide to buy a guide for my car.

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I have this internal struggle with the car and me. Her name is blue beauty and she is allergic to chocolate milk. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ There is oil in the engine coolant. Not a good sign. I’m pretty sure I’ve got replace the head gasket & take the head to the machine shop. Reality is I do not have enough confidence in myself. I mean I don’t have a problem getting dirty. I have no problem reading the book and following along. I guess it just scares me I don’t have anyone to help me.

There is a boy in my daughters class that has the type of garage my father had while growing up. All these tools atย  his disposal. A little bit of “oooh” and “ahhhh” and even though I get along with the boys mom & dad, I know they have 4 kids to feed. Three of which go to my daughters school. Friendship only goes so far and nothing is free.
I stayed out today after I dropped my kids off. I got some 1/2 off candy, some tennis shoes, and some food. I pick up soups that are bearcreek brand. Serves 8. Only hot water needed. $3.30 each packet. I picked up ten.

I finished reading the hunger games and now I’m going to start with Catching Fire. It’s the 2nd in a 3 book series.

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I have already seen the movie The Hunger Games but after reading the book, it makes me want to watch it again for comparison.

No nightly reading in the book of Mormon. Better luck tomorrow. A matter of pray & priority I suppose…

Til next time, *l0v3y

October 29, 2013 (Tuesday)

Got up 5:45am and fell into the usual routine. Came home around 10am and was “reading the paper” (fyi – going # 2) As I have said before I’m not a cat lover, but I don’t hate them. This cat lays on the floor while I do my thing, chills on the side of the bathtub and looks up at me, and even checks out what he looks like in the mirror.

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It’s my daughters cat but hangs out with my husband the most. Beth calls him Terr Bear and my husband calls him Terrance. Either way, after I “finish reading, ” I go to lay down in the bed for a bit and the cat is in my spot.

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It was very unusual. He wanted to be affectionate with me. I did show him some lovings. ๐Ÿ™‚

Again, started my journey in picking up my kids and the battery in my phone is dead. I’m guessing it did not charge while I was sleeping. I let Mike ride the 14 bus back to the towers while Beth and I got on the 102. My husband was home before us and rode up to get Mike.ย  Apparently they have the schedule to the #14 flip flopped because he waited longer than what it says. All is good and both kids are home.

Both had good days in school and did their homework with no problems. My husband made dinner and played cards with Mike. Beth hung out at the cat jungle trying to find more snail shells.

We put in the disc and the guys voice read 1rst Nephi, chapters 5 & 6. I feel the holy spirit more & more everyday. I remember watching the movie Joseph Smith and the gold plates. In it, he gave Martin Harris the transcripts and to only show them to his family but Martin did not listen and showed them to others. Joseph Smith was no more to rewrite the lost transcripts of Lehi’s account. Those gold plates are currently sealed. But reading 1 Nephi chapter 6 verse 1 says that his father (Lehi) made an account of the genealogy that they are descendants of Joseph.

I really do feel my relationship with God growing stronger more & more every day.

I read this picture on facebook that said: Don’t forget to pray today because God didn’t forget to get you up today.

Til next time, *l0v3y

Point A to Point B

I was walking down the street to catch the bus so I can get my kids and I see this car that reminds me of something my ex would drive.

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This car had its bumper chained to it.

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That is some crazy stuff but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do with what you have.

Til next time, *l0v3y