Why did you betray me?

I didn’t betray you. Why do you keep bringing this up? I just didn’t tell you the truth.

Til next time, *l0v3y

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November 17, 2013 Sunday

Felt refreshed going to church. There is an activity this Thursday for relief society. I think I may actually get to go. Last one I attended was a year ago. This ward has a book club too. I’m starting to feel more comfortable little by little. The book club is a bit of a distance with no transportation except buses and bikes. It’s a white elephant exchange and then we are supposed to read a chapter in a self improvement book and tell about it. I’m going to try to attend that too.

Til next time, *l0v3y

November 14, 2013 Thursday

It was a good morning biking to school today. Afterwards, went to a food bank and got a box of food. I had 2 bungee cords with me and after several attempts by others, they got a smaller box and got it hooked on my bike. I went down to Walgreens. Only my scripts were ready. Beths will be tomorrow and the rest on the 16th.

I made it home and relaxed a bit before my counselor had come out and discussed the answers on my sheets about why I get angry, signs I’m angry, what I do when I’m angry, etc. What really upsets me the most is lying & betraying. There are other things too but it’s the betrayal I feel inside. Once I’m betrayed it’s like forget you! I am not sure how to go on from there. And since my husband and I are supposed to be one, how can he just talk to them like nothing happened? How can he even talk to them about my car problems and say that they will take a look at it and what not? Along with getting a ride from them to um, let see, go to the Amtrak station to supposedly visit his mother which he didn’t do. He went up north to Pennsylvania. To Pennsylvania. I understand why he had a magical date of August 16, but why is he still wanting to go in October? Here I was thinking everything was fine and bam! I didn’t even see it coming. It’s like I’m just in purgator waiting. Not knowing his intentions. How could he betray me like this? I don’t have the slightest clue on how to get over it.
If he stays, well it helps financially, it helps with the whole family makeup of a “dad” in the picture, it’s my 4th marriage and last. If he goes, well hope the door don’t hit him in the ass. He’s not a bad guy. But honestly I don’t know how to move past this and feel like I’m just going through the motions until he leaves or I get over it.

Before August 16, I had marriage classes lined up, my drs lined up, support group I had found, etc. All these resources waiting to be utilized but an event in July led to mayhem.

Anywho, the counselor wants me to figure out what the reason is of why I stay. Not surface reasons either.

Got my kids from school and the counselor came back for my kids. That went ok. She had Mike realize his actions cause consequences to others. After she left, he was still grounded. He was reading more tonight. I think this book he is reading may very well be the first book of a decent amount of chapters he’s ever read by himself.

Hope in a way this grounding works so he will read for future discipline.

Beth struggled some with her math homework. It is multiplying double digits. She had half right using a calculator. I erased the other half and made her do it without a calculator. Math is definately not her forte.

Watched some LOTR tonight 🙂

Til next time, *l0v3y

A glimpse

Where do I ever start with the morning I had today. Well, last night I put Beths hair in curlers. This morning I fixed up her hair all pretty for picture day. This morning, my husband did most of what I do and I was just lost on what to do. But we finally make it out the door with our bikes, only Mike is deciding he’s going to use dads bike because it has gears. Plus its cold outside and none of us have gloves.

Every time I turned around, Mike was stopping. Ugh…. He said he’s freezing and needs a break, except every time we would start to bike, he was trying to bike home. Eventually after 40 minutes, we had made it a little over a mile.

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He slams the bike down for the 50th time and refuses to move. Beth doesn’t realize we are stopped. I call Mikes school and tell them we are going to be late. I call Beths school and ask them to keep watch. Then my husband texts me letting me know he will bring the bike to us. I let him know we are a little passed Wymore.and Fairbanks. Mikes in someones yard.

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Then Beth comes back. Then my husband shows up but Mike took off. Every step I took towards him, he took a step further away. Now my husbands looking for Mike on his bike. I just locked up Mikes bike to help look for him and my daughter has to use the bathroom really bad. I’m like ok, go to school, I trust her on a bike, but today she was not wearing a helmet because I did her hair. I didn’t want it ruined because today was picture day.

Mike has his bike and decided he will go to school. Finally. So I get him signed in and leave. My daughters school is a block away. I get there. I don’t see her bike outside. I don’t see Ms. Pam at the door greeting the kids as they get off the bus. I’m starting to get this not so go feeling as Ms.Pam tells me Beth got hit by a car., Omg! ! ! I see her and am so glad it’s not serious. The person was turning right to get out onto the road. They looked left but not right before they turnt and they hit my daughter and knocked her into Lee Rd. She landed on her side because she complains about her hip and head but she is doing fine this evening. I’m just sad that a woman driver can hit a child, ask if they are ok, then keep on going. I’m so glad it was nothing more.

Til next time, *l0v3y

November 12, 2013 Tuesday

Took my kids to school via bike. On the way home, I stopped & talked with Eulita. She is a Jehovah’s Witness and the conversation was rather pleasant, but I know where my loyalty lies. I know the truth. God had prophets back in the day and he has one here on Earth named Thomas S. Monson. God does not change.

I finished chatting and took a different way home. I rode down dowd st. Barely any traffic. Just a few homes right across from the golf course.
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Wow! What a mailbox, huh? Pretty cool. Couldn’t wait to show it to my kids on the way home but my son was lagging behind. The chain slipped off  his bike and  he finished going down Edgewater. I let Beth go down Par St. by herself while I waited for Mike. She needed to use the lavatory. Mikes chain slipped off again. This time it was right near where 2 people were putting up the fence. They had tools and the older gentleman helped out. Sometimes when people in the area show random acts of kindness it brings me tears of joy. The service this guy provided without being asked and fixing the problem made my heart warm. I suppose it’s my immediate neighbors that don’t, but the community I love.

We did not read our scriptures together. I have 2 Ensigns and 2 cassette tapes I’m going to drop off at the church when I drop off tithing. Hopefully someone can use them.

I had made a list of a few things to get done today. I surprised myself by completing every task on the list. I guess I will have to put family scripture reading on it.

Til next time, *l0v3y

November 11, 2013 Monday

My kids went back to school after the weekend was over. We are using bikes for our mode of transportation. Helmets are required in the state of Florida for anyone under 16. Both my kids have helmets.

Pauly took them out this evening for some bicycle safety. We didn’t have family home evening. Wish we could have incorporated it in. No family reading of the book of mormon either. Tithing envelope sits on the table. Only member of  the bishopric I know is the bishop. Somehow on his announcenents of signing up for tithing settlement drove me away from wanting to turn mine in. It’s not a full tithing.

Til next time, *l0v3y